Security walk the floor

I think I first heard this announcement when I was at the Walgreens on High Street in Oakland, picking up Ellen’s prescription. Then I heard it again at the Bayview Walgreens, and at a Walgreens downtown. “Security walk the floor.” Funny how I’d never heard that particular announcement before. Do Walgreens have security guards? I was at the Westlake Walgreens when I heard it yet again and it dawned on me: maybe it was more than just coincidence. Maybe they were calling security on me.

XXXL t-shirtHow suspicious is it for a 48-year-old woman to be slowly scouring the store, rifling through stacks of sweatshirts, touching all the canned goods, scrutinizing the locked case of Crest toothpaste products? Oh yeah, and taking flash photographs…

If I’m nabbed this week, at least I’ll have this blog as my alibi.

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Breakfast oxymoron

 

Breakfast oxymoron

Breakfast oxymoron

 

 

Day 2 – Why young people look nicer

Day 2-daughter's outfitDay 2-my outfitThe second day of my week living on Walgreens alone.

It’s true, my daughter is bending the rules a bit by wearing her own jeans and converse sneakers. But paired with a red sweatshirt and lovely scarf from Walgreens, she looks pretty darned good.

What can I say about my outfit, other than that not many people own an orange dress that they can wear with black tights on the day after the Giants win the World Series. Thank you, Walgreens.

Note to self: never take a picture of yourself early in the morning.

Day 1 – East coast butter

East coast butterThe first day of my week living on Walgreens alone.

Ah, memories. When I first moved to San Francisco from New York City, I was obsessed with the sticks of butter. They’re different sizes! Why are butter sticks on the East coast long and skinny and on the West coast short and fat? It was a crazy mystery to me, even though no one I mentioned it to seemed to think twice about it.

And last night at the Westlake Walgreens, as we spent $97.12 on groceries for the week, I found East coast butter! Could it possibly be cheaper to import butter from the other side of the country? Could this possibly be related to the locked cabinet of Crest toothpaste products at the Bayview Walgreens?

Day 1 – scissors

First day outfitThe first day of my week living on Walgreens alone.

I went to bed last night feeling despondent about how horrible I might look this week. But I had an epiphany as I lay tossing and turning: scissors! I could cut up the Walgreens clothes however I like!

So this morning I attacked the teal sweatshirt. I cut off all the bands at the neck, wrists and bottom, and sliced the front open. Voila! A Japanese-y deconstructed sort of cardigan. Then I cut open the neck of my t-shirt and folded the corners under. Much better. I even went and bought a black sweatshirt today at lunch so I could make myself a versatile black cardigan. Hmmm, if I could find an XXXL sweatshirt I could maybe even make a little black dress. I’ve noticed they sell belts at Walgreens, just haven’t bought one yet.

With the dance pants, brown T-shirt turned v-neck, black pleather jacket and my groovy corduroy slippers, not such a bad outfit for the first day.

From this sweatshirt...

...to this deconstructed cardigan

Why rich people look nicer

OK, I get it now. Expensive clothes look better than cheap clothes, at least mass-produced cheap clothes. I have found no pants at Walgreens. Sweatpants, yes, which I refuse to buy, leggings and workout pants yes, which I did buy. But can I actually wear them out in public? Nobody looks good in leggings.

I tried on one potential outfit: leggings, white t-shirt and sweatshirt. I certainly could wear it if push comes to shove, but I feel like I’m wearing a costume. Actually, what I really feel like is me from the 80s. Well, me from the 80s, plus 20 pounds. Not a good feeling or memory.

Still no shoes, but I did find some house slippers that are plain black corduroy with a plastic sole. They’re almost, almost like a pair of black loafers.

The week starts tomorrow. Why am I doing this again?

 

The spice of life

It’s amazing how the stock in Walgreens varies so much from store to store. Is it totally random? Do the managers decide stock based on demographics of shoppers? Or is it just whatever falls off the back on the Walgreens truck on that day?

I was down on 3rd Street today and stopped in the Walgreens at Bayview Plaza. I figured they’d have tons of food, since they’re the only game in town. Nope, no food. Very few clothes. But the socks and underwear were under lock and key! So were the lube and pregnancy tests. No condoms in sight.

The Walgreens at 3rd and Williams rocks! Lots of clothes, including designer fashion: Dickies shirts and jackets. But who’s going to buy a jacket for $49.99 at Walgreens? Not me, especially when the fabulous generic pleather ones go for $29.99. I spent so much time going through the stack of sweatshirts looking for smalls for my daughter that one of the Walgreens men asked me if I wanted any help. He went in the back and brought out a huge box of sweatshirts for me to ferret through. Love the pumpkin color. That Walgreens also sells canes and walkers and bathtub seats. Do they have lots of older customers?

And what do they have under lock and key at this Walgreens? Crest toothpaste. An entire case of Crest toothpaste products. But the plot thickens… all the Colgate toothpastes were out unguarded, for anyone to pick up. No lock on the socks, underwear or lube. I asked the friendly clerk about it, but he pretended to be as perplexed as I.

Oh, and on the way out I found these lovely Grillz candy, fake bling for my teeth.

Do people still get scurvy?

There’s plenty of prepared food to eat at Walgreens, and most sell ingredients like flour and sugar so I could actually bake. Lunches will be a snap and dinners can be frozen pizzas, macaroni and cheese with tuna, omelettes: pretty normal meals for us. My one concern is fruit and vegetables. A lot of Walgreens have bananas and apples, which is fine for fruit. But no fresh vegetables. Canned corn and frozen peas will do, I guess. Oops, I take that back, there’s always a nice packaged salad made with iceberg lettuce and a slice or two of cucumber.

The Westlake Walgreens is amazing. Three full aisles of food. An entire aisle of frozen and refrigerated items, and about half an aisle of Filipino and Chinese food items that I’ve never seen before in my life. And another half an aisle devoted solely to cookies. And let’s not forget the ChocoVine.

I’m not worried that we’ll get sick, I mean I’m not pulling a Supersize Me, but I do fear the worst: food that will make me farty.

ChocoVine

THIS is why I love Walgreens. I was so excited to discover that the Westlake Walgreens actually does sell alcohol, and was scanning their limited yet none too shabby selection, when I saw it: ChocoVine!

“The taste of Dutch chocolate and fine red wine.”

It’s a genuine product of Holland! Ingredients: “grape wine with artificial flavor, cream and artificial colors.”

As tempting as it’s been, I haven’t opened it yet. I’m waiting for my official week. I’ll put on my Walgreens jammies, light up a Duraflame log, pop in one of my latest DVD buys (The Last Mimzy perhaps?) and pour myself a glass of some fine ChocoVine. Ahhhhh…

For lack of a pair of shoes

Still no shoes. The slippers and sweatpants scenario is looming. I thought for sure there’d at least be some rain boots offered at Walgreens soon. Maybe I’ll end up wearing slippers covered with those rubber slip-over-your-shoes rain protection things.

No shoes, but I did score the greatest pleather jacket! This was at the Walgreens at Mission and Front, which usually doesn’t carry very many clothes at all. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw it. I was only a teeny bit embarrassed trying on clothes in the greeting card aisle, which had the closest mirror. But it’s fabulous! I also got a brown hoodie with super soft fleecy material inside, that I can layer under the jacket if it’s cold.

I wore the jacket when I went out to a fancy wine dinner with my friend Spring. Spring is one of the most fashionable people I know (she helped me clean out my closet a year ago) and she liked the jacket. She thought I was joking when I told her it was from Walgreens.

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